Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Suzy Homemaker

Or, why I am the only woman on the planet who is not INSANE. Mostly.

Please, please tell me the words to convey politely yet firmly that I do not want china. No, I have no china pattern. It's a scam. Who pays $100 for a dinner plate? CRAZY PEOPLE! (This doesn't apply to you, of course.)

We were unleashed on Macy's with a checklist and a handheld scanner on Monday night to set up our wedding registry. We did put some nice dishes on there, but no, no actual china. My reason for avoiding it is mostly that it feels like a gigantic waste. I'm not the type to use it any more than at Christmas and Easter, and really, that's a shame for something that is so unbelieveably expensive. The rest of my reasons?

1. My mother has two sets of china. Also two daughters. Huh. Well, isn't that all touchy-feely family heirloom and shit.
2. If I break a $100 dollar plate I will cry. If Bob does, I wll yell, then cry. If various friends or family members do? I will smile real nice, say it's fine, don't worry, here, have some more wine, then go to the bathroom and cry.
3. I don't even have a dining room table. Or a dining room.
4. When I do, someday, have a dining room table, people can feel free to come over and eat off of my everyday dishes. I will show my love for them by preparing lasagna with 800 grams of fat and purchasing really good booze instead.
5. Anyone who turns up their nose at us because they are not eating off of Lenox? Is never invited back. Ever.
6. Who. The. Fuck. Cares?

Also, I'm having enough trouble with the concept of the registry itself. Look at me, I'm getting married, buy me presents!! Oh, the guilt. But other people's registries? Love them. I am all about getting people something they like and will use. And I'm happy to do it! Yes, I realize this makes no sense.

/end rant

Although, normal dishes that I can break without having a meltdown? Those would be nice. More than three plates that match? Wow. What's that like?

Now if I could get people to stop looking at me like I just kicked a puppy when I tell them "no china", I will be a very happy woman.